Week 2: The Performance of a Lifetime

Despite their “in control” exterior, men often feel like impostors and insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered.

As we consider this truth, we can understand how our lack of support and encouragement can wound them so deeply.  Your man needs to know that you believe in him.  Continue to choose  to respect your man by not saying anything negative to him or about him to others.   And…let’s take this a step further by adding this week’s “weekly challenge!”

Weekly Challenge #2

Affirm your man by finding something good, praiseworthy, honorable, or likable about him each day.  (You can begin by simply saying to him “I appreciate that…”, “We are lucky that you…”, or “I trust you to….”)

Write at least one positive quality in the margin of each day’s reading.  Begin with a prayer that God will help you meet this new challenge.

Let’s memorize some scripture!  

Philippians 2:3-4

Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.  Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

Questions for Reflection

These are questions to encourage reflection and application.  Again, please do not feel limited to these questions.  Comment when and if you feel led and freely share what God is teaching you.  Most importantly, make sure you are respecting your man in your comments.

  • What are ways you can create a safety zone where your man feels free from having to prove himself?
  • Is some of this new knowledge painful?  Is the Lord asking you to make some changes?
  • Can you pinpoint times that you have made your man feel even more insecure? What about a time that you took the opportunity to affirm your man and counteract his insecurity?
  • Share the most important insight you have acquired this week.
Leave a comment


  1. eshee01

     /  September 26, 2011

    “It is a little overwhelming that God has placed us women in the position of helpmate to build our men’s spirits. What a HUGE but wonderful responsibility!” …. I read this and felt my tummy just sink! I believe I am very supportive of everything he does, but knowing that just the smallest inkling of doubt in my voice (or in the way I look at him) can totally “crush his spirit” is hard to swallow. Today’s lesson has opened my eyes wide to the fact that I must lift him up through all the times, not just the good and to trust and praise him for what he does for our family and for others. It is a huge responsibility and I am ready to take it on! I do find it hard to imagine that my husband feels insecure about things and I pray that God will open my eyes and senses to the things that he is insecure about.
    God paired me with a perfect mate and I am so excited to become all that God intendend me to be for this incredible man!

  2. weschristina

     /  September 28, 2011

    I am SO thrilled with the study this week. I have seen numerous couples that follow this concept (God’s plan) and they are thriving. Isn’t it so sad to know that we can put our efforts into so many things that are like “chasing the wind”? I am so glad to be reading this study and to know that it is Biblical and rewarding with Him!!!!

    I agree with Dani, it is a HUGE responsibility that sometimes I take too lightly. Sometimes it seems too much, but when I do it, IT WORKS!!! God is so good like that! LOL I know that I will have to learn to bite my tongue more and pray more. But I am confident that I will see my marriage soar!

  3. kacyp1

     /  September 29, 2011

    I am loving this study! It has truly been eye opening!
    There have been a couple of times I have had to bite my tongue, and I have seen my man honored. (Why was that a shock to me??? And why did I not realize this before this study??) I agree with Dani & Christina . . .What a great and sometimes overwhelming role God has given us to be a HELPER to our man!
    I’m also realizing that I have carried a lot of bad habits from when I worked with my man into our home. When we worked together it was my job to take care of certain things, to question actions, to know all the ins and outs of everyones actions. It was for the company and it was expected of me or the company would suffer… BUT I am still trying to do that in our home and with my man. I’m realizing that my words and actions can be reinforcing his insecurities. Saying the prayer listed in day 2 stung a little, when it said help my man not be gripped by a fear of MY opinion of him. UGH!!! I would hope he would know I am his biggest fan. But do my actions ( and lack of action) always show him that?? Does anyone else feel this way??

  4. jessicaannmaher

     /  September 29, 2011

    Wow, this week has truly made me think. Each time I read a chapter I wanted to grab my husband and give him a big kiss and hug and say I’m Sorry! I am sorry if I make you feel less confident, I am sorry I sometimes say things that make you feel insecure! I love you!

    My “comment” for this week is really more on conviction and confession to you all rather than reflection. So many times I realize that while I am saying things the Holy Spirit is convicting me and give me all the warning signs as to STOP! But with my need for control and to be “right” I sometimes shush the Spirit and continue with what I “want” to get across to him. How WRONG of me! How unsupportive and disobedient I am being. I can say lately I am truly experiencing the desire to change and the ability to see things differently in how we interact with each other and what I say and do. I love this and I am filled with joy knowing I am working on being the wife God expects me to be and the wife my husband deserves me to be.

    • weschristina

       /  September 29, 2011

      Jess – I agree totally and ashamed to admit that I “shush” the Holy Spirit more than I would like to admit. I am now being constantly convicted and trying to bite my tongue and speak words of love to encourage….rather than tear down.

  5. alison5

     /  September 30, 2011

    It’s been so rewarding to intentionally look for opportunities to affirm and build up my man. As I seek to see things from his perspective and try to consider his needs more than my own, my determination to be “right” or have it “my way” has decreased. Still there, of course, 😦 …but decreasing, praise Him! Chisel away, Lord!!! It’s awesome how God’s Word can rebuke and encourage all at the same time. His way is so perfect!

    Also…I found it so profound on Day 5 when she writes…
    “Man was created to lead and to provide; but because of the Fall, this role is not a joy but a burden with which he struggles out of a strong sense of insecurity. The woman was asked to complement and to support; but, because of the Fall, she struggles against that role, torn between her desire to be loved and cared for and her tendency to exert her own will.”
    Knowing there is a reason for my struggle…an explanation….an adversary, ignites a fire within me. It gives me the proper perspective….the Truth and freedom in God’s will vs lies and bondage from Satan.


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  • "What Shaunti Feldhahn’s research reveals about the inner lives of men will open women’s eyes to what the men in their life— boyfriends, brothers, husbands, and sons—are really thinking and feeling. Men want to be understood, but they’re afraid to “freak out” the women they love by confessing what is happening inside their heads."
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