Week 1: Your Love Is Not Enough

Men most need respect.

If a man feels disrespected he is going to feel unloved.  And what that translates to is this: If you want to love your man in the way he needs to be loved, then you need to ensure that he feels your RESPECT most of all.

Let’s begin taking the hard steps we know to take even when our feelings aren’t there yet! Our feelings often follow our actions.  We have weekly challenges that require our choosing an attitude or action towards our man that may be difficult at times.  These challenges will begin to change us…which is what this study is all about!

Weekly Challenge #1

Choose to respect your man by not saying anything (YES…ANYTHING) negative to him or about him to others.  Begin each day with prayer that God will help you meet this new challenge.

Let’s memorize some scripture!  

Romans 12:1-2

Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship.  Do not be conformed to this age but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

Questions for Reflection

These are questions to encourage reflection and application.  Again, please do not feel limited to these questions.  Comment when and if you feel led and freely share what God is teaching you.  Most importantly, make sure you are respecting your man in your comments.

  • Share one thing you appreciate about your man.
  • What are some roadblocks to showing your man the respect he needs?
  • Were you surprised by how joking in public or teasing makes men feel? Why or why not?
  • Have you noticed a change in your responses to your man?  Are you assuming the best regarding your husband and his actions?
  • Share the most important insight you have acquired this week.
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7 Comments

  1. jessicaannmaher

     /  September 20, 2011

    I loved this first study of the week. Although I always feel like I respect my husband I realized through day one that most of the time I actually don’t. I tend to have a hard time “giving” in a little when it comes to certain things but as my role as the wife that is exactly what I am supposed to do. Not give in as in being weak but give in as being assured and confident that my man is doing what is best for him and our family.

    I guess the biggest thing I took away from Day 1 is the crying aspect. I always wonder why he is getting angry if we are having a tense conversation but in the same manner he is wanting to know why I am crying. I have to admit that sometimes I use my “crying” as a way to get my way or end the conversation and walk away b/c I’m “crying” so therefore we can’t finish the argument:) and then he feels bad so as a result I got my way. I hate to admit it but I have done this numerous of times.

    I love my husband more than anything and I hate to think that by small, simple things i do throughout the day he feels disrespected. He is doing everything he can during the week to provide for us, love us and “manage” his world and I just want to be his support, his go to for love and respect. I honestly believe it is true when the author says that if your actions change then your feelings will too. I am trying to see things through his eyes instead of my own all the time.

    Reply
  2. loricella78

     /  September 20, 2011

    I have never been part of a bible study before, so this is all new to me. I am so excited I chose to participate in this one. Todays reading was great, eye opening, and hard all at the same time. I know I love and respect my husband, however I question if he knows it or feels it. I am sure he does most of the time, but not all of the time. Its hard to read something and think to myself, oh my, I do this, or I don’t do this and then think how that effects my husband negatively. Todays reading has opened my eyes already. I have to be honest todays challenge will be difficult for me. Not that I talk badly about him or talk badly to him on a daily basis, however it is much easier to vent about the bad things then to praise the good things. Todays challenge will be difficult, but very rewarding!

    Reply
  3. tonkinwife

     /  September 21, 2011

    I should be able to start today. This weeks challenges will be unrealistically easy for me since my husband is out of state this week. it is much easier for me to be kind, and respectful over the phone when I miss him. I will have a lot to put into real practice starting next Thursday.

    Reply
  4. kacyp1

     /  September 21, 2011

    I am soo excited to start this journey with so many of you! I have to admit that day one left me with a little “sick tummy!” I feel like my hubs & I do communicate well and have the same goals. BUT its the times that we haven’t recently that are playing in my head. The hardest part to read today was, “Sometimes we may have to demonstrate respect even when he is not meeting our expectations.” This is definitely a roadblock. This is something i have definitely struggled with lately. I am trying to remember to KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT b/c I know he spends time in prayer, I know he is a follower of Christ, I know he loves & works hard for us! So how do I KNOW that he is not doing God’s will! I am excited to see how God changes me throughout this study.

    Reply
  5. alison5

     /  September 21, 2011

    Ouch!
    It is huge for me to see that my “interfering” and my “wanting to control” is interpreted as both disrespect and distrust. I struggle with trying to control things, and I’m realizing the depth of that sin and the pride behind it. If I look at my motive, I’m trying to control a situation because I see my way as “right.” So what if my way is potentially more effective? Does that give me license to sin and take the role of leader? Of course not. More unsettling, it shows that I don’t trust the Lord. He has called me to respect my husband and to submit to his authority. When I walk in obedience to these commands, I can trust God with the outcome. He is trustworthy and He is in control!

    Reply
    • I have the same problem with controlling. Pastor Barry gave the book “Love & Respect” that is mentioned in day 1 to me and Edward as part of our pre-marital counseling and we have both been really excited about it. In reading that book, a light bulb went on and I realized that my attempts to control are an example of disrespect to my man. I was surprised and sad.

      In reading the day 1 Bible study, they explained that respect is also refraining from interfering with ….and another light bulb went on! I realize that disrespect includes when I don’t trust my man’s judgement or intentions. That last part is going to be a big one for me to learn! I was brought up questioning just about everything and everyone’s intentions, it is a problem my mother and I have to this day. I thought I was being cautious (sometimes just being a Miss-know-it-all, or Miss-needs-to-know-it-all), but I see that when I question the intentions of the man God has given me, I disrespect his honor and I disrespect the role he has been given as the leader in our relationship.

      When I choose to trust in the intentions and choices of my man, and to follow his lead without “back talk” or grumbling, I have peace in my heart. (not to mention the peace between us! :))

      Reply
  6. weschristina

     /  September 23, 2011

    There is so much to comment on and I am only on day 4!!! Does anyone else feel like this?!!

    It is exciting to me to see the verse that we are to memorize as recently I fell in love with this “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” Psalms 139:23-24

    I love how she says “…respect is the foundation upon which all the others rest.” And isn’t that the truth? When I look back and see the times that I am respecting Wes, as God would have me, then I see that everything else is lining up.

    But so often I take control, like Libby said….being a “Miss-know-it-all”! But, unintentionally, I am disrespecting the man I love more than any earthly thing! Even when I just question what he is doing (like driving somewhere), I am disrespecting him. Ouch!

    I also love, that just like our walk with Christ, it is a choice to respect our men. BUT, just like our walk with Christ, there is great peace when we follow HIS plan. Our walk with HIM is better when we make choices that line up with His word. AND, our relationship with our wonderful husbands flourish when we make the choice to respect them as God commanded.

    I just gave myself another sermon!!!!!! LOL I can’t wait to dive more into this study and find the things that “offend Him – and Wes”!!!! xxoo

    Reply

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  • "What Shaunti Feldhahn’s research reveals about the inner lives of men will open women’s eyes to what the men in their life— boyfriends, brothers, husbands, and sons—are really thinking and feeling. Men want to be understood, but they’re afraid to “freak out” the women they love by confessing what is happening inside their heads."
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